Accoutrements Inflatable Beard

You never know when you are going to find that one perfect accessory that women can't seem to take their eyes off of. Last year it was the fanny-pack designed to be worn UNDER your pants. This year the inflatable beard is going to make last year seem like a bad dream that lasted about a year. Virtually maintenance-free (unlike a real beard which requires frequent waxing and buttering), this "inflataphrodisiac" (a word that everyone who buys one of these will understand the minute he stares persistently at a strange woman in an elevator) is the perfect accompaniment to my inflatable chest-hair wig. I feel like manliness coated in ruggedness and wrapped in bacon, while on a date or robbing a liquor store, but for convenience it's easily removable at the beach, when scrubbing in for surgery, or when "things get intimate" (but if she wants you to leave it on....and she might...it can be sprayed off with an ordinary garden hose afterwards) . But please remember, THIS IS NOT A FLOTATION DEVICE.

This is a sad excuse for a beard. You can't shave it. It floats away when you go swimming. You can't maniacally stroke it like an evil villain without it falling off. It fails at all the basics, so I ask, what does it do? Zero Stars!

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This is probably the greatest thing ever. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's definitely a winner. I bought it as a joke for my friend who can't grow a beard. He loved it (at least I think he did). Buy ityou'll be glad you did.

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The only bad part of this beard is that the strings that attach behind your ears are extremely long. The plastic on the beard also hurts your mouth. And it doesn't inflate very well it may as well just be flat.

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Also hides your manly emotions from the prying eyes of the world.

Because who needs that?

Instant manliness, instantly.

Compact, easily stowed, inflates with one breath for maximum deployment speed.

Yes, I have one.

Yes, I tried it on the dog too. (It was less effective.)

wle.